Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
