glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
