Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
So squirting runs in the family.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties