Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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(713): View more from Texas

I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...

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(904): View more from Florida

Was it cool?

(1-904): View more from Florida

About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?

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(312): View more from Illinois

You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles

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(207): View more from Maine

Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?

(1-207): View more from Maine

I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"

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