'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
are you so shy because you have an std?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.