You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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