I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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