I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
