The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
