yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
