I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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