the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
