I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
