i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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