Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I supernannyed him into submission
Damn victory sex feels great
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