you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
