i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
