Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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