WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
