WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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