He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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