Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
