Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
