this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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