Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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