Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
