I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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