I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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