god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
