my phone needs a breathalizer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
