Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
