I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
