Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
