every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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