after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize