make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
