my being single is dangerous.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
