I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize