I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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