"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
