he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
