Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
