matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
