This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
