Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
