I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
