Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
