I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
