I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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