i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
