i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The feeling are messing with the penis
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
