Swine flu. Run for my life!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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