your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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