Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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