WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have surprise drugs for everyone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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