ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
