I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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