i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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