I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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