We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
