just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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