My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
