brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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