You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
