I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
