what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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