So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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