wrigley field is MILF paradise
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
