Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
