Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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