i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
