In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Welp...herpes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
