Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
