You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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