I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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